


Eyes Like a Hawk (They're Watching Me Fall)

by SaskiaKieranLuthor



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Supportive Kara Danvers, and Kara gives them to her, i may have gotten too personal this time, mentions of abuse, we turn pain into art round these parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27844564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaskiaKieranLuthor/pseuds/SaskiaKieranLuthor
Summary: Growing up around the Luthors required Lena to develop a hyperawareness of the emotions of everyone around her, giving her the ability to prepare for any threat, always ready for the next shoe to drop. Luckily, Kara is there to quell her fears.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 17
Kudos: 209





	Eyes Like a Hawk (They're Watching Me Fall)

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I got triggered by some childhood trauma and decided to write (vaguely) about it. 
> 
> Lucky you I guess? lol
> 
> No beta, you can blame any mistakes on shitty parents (yours, mine, theirs? whatever).

Lena had always been a sensitive person. 

Not that the average human (or alien) would be able to tell, not with the way she masterfully hid her sensitivity under layers of dark humour, power suits, and sharp blood red lipstick. Her keen wit was her ultimate armour when dealing with anything that might cause her stress, a perfectly crafted shield to defend herself from the worlds’ gnashing teeth and wretched words. Nevertheless, underneath her hard, calculating exterior, she was still a deeply perceptive person, intensely aware of other peoples’ moods, the changes in their facial expressions, the abrupt shift of the atmosphere around her. 

Life in the Luthor household had taught her to always be on her toes, and she had developed a twisted sixth sense, a kind of sick clairvoyance when it came to the emotions of the people around her. Lionel’s drunken rages were always forecast by hazy eyes narrowing and a clenching of the jaw. 

Lillian’s attacks on her appearance and seemingly unending lists of her perceived flaws were always preceded by pursed lips and a sour look that gave her the appearance of sucking on a lemon, her slowly clenching fists a foolproof indicator of the harsh strikes she would eventually inflict on her daughter.

Lex’s mood swings were always the most difficult to predict, but his most consistent tell was his beady eyes darkening as his mouth twisted into a sadistic grin. It didn’t help that he could easily switch between emotions faster than a Kryptonian’s superspeed. 

In fact, while Lena grew adept at dodging her father’s harsh swings brought on by scotch-soaked anger, or making herself as small and unnoticeable as possible in Lillian’s presence (preferring not to be in Lillian’s presence at all, if possible), somehow she never figured out Lex’s emotional state until it was too late and he already had her in his taunting grip, ready to pull apart her thoughts and feelings and lay them out in front of her, one by one, displaying her weaknesses to the world, before bringing a hammer of disappointment and disdain down upon them. Lena was always powerless in those moments to do nothing but watch as her closely guarded heart was scattered to the wind with every cold blow it endured.

But she  _ always  _ saw the changes, even if she didn’t know yet what they meant. As she grew older, her perceptiveness made her an excellent judge of character, and an expert at reading difficult situations, which gave her a leg up with the L-Corp board of directors. Those men made no attempts to school their facial expressions or mask their emotions, and so she could always easily sense which way the wind was blowing with them, allowing her to change her tactics on a dime. 

Her therapist, Dr. Thompson, had explained hypersensitivity to her.  _ “You grew up in a volatile household. It’s common for victims of abuse to become hyper-aware to the emotional changes of those around them. It’s a type of self-preservation. Remaining on high alert for the next threat.” _

That was certainly true. Growing up, she had grown accustomed to associating facial tics and mood changes to violence. A snarling lip the precursor to painful words. Bared teeth resulting in pink stained cheeks full of throbbing heat and eyes full of tears she would never let fall.

Which was how she had found herself in her current situation. Staring at her girlfriend with wide, fearful eyes, chewing her lip in anticipation of the storm approaching. She had finally told Kara how she had developed a serum from the Harun-El, how it could -- upon further experimentation -- could potentially cure things like cancer, and who knows how many other ailments?

Kara had swept her up in her arms, proud as can be of her genius girlfriend’s breakthrough, and the praise had spurred Lena on to tell her the rest of her theory -- how the Harun-El could be used to give humans powers, to even the playing field between God-like aliens and weak, inconsequential humans. It was an innocent enough thought, no nefarious intent behind it, just the hope of creating a better, more peaceful world. But the shadow that had crossed Kara’s face when she said those words told a different story, and suddenly she was sixteen years old again, watching Lillian’s eyes harden before the inevitable beating that she knew would come.

“Lena, I -- I don’t think that’s a great idea,” Kara began, unaware of the turmoil roiling inside of her girlfriend’s heart. “I mean, it  _ is  _ a great idea -- in theory -- but...I don’t think it would work out the way you think it would. Humans are, well,  _ greedy _ beings, never content with what they have, and I think with superpowers in the mix...I just don’t think it would end well,” she finished, taking a step toward Lena, not wanting to give the wrong impression of cold indifference. Lena often needed closeness and reassurance, and this maybe seemed like one of those times to her.

Lena’s heart was racing as she watched Kara take a step forward, her hands in loose fists at her sides. She brought her own hands up, palms out in surrender, and took a step backward, her back pressing against the marble countertop of her kitchen island. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” she said quickly, trying to defuse the situation. “It was a stupid idea. I’ll scrap it.”

Kara frowned, cocking her head, taking another step forward. “It’s not a stupid idea at all. It’s brilliant, actually. I just don’t think it would work out like you think it would. And there’s so many variables to consider. Would everyone get powers? Even bad people? If not, then how would we decide?  _ Who _ would decide? They’d be playing God.” She ran a hand through her hair, letting out a frustrated sigh.

A pit settled in Lena’s stomach as she took in Kara’s frown, the way her eyebrows were drawn close together, the hard look in her eyes as she listed the issues, the step closer she had taken. Her breaths began to come more quickly as her body prepared for the inevitable fight that was coming.

Kara’s superhearing honed in on Lena’s racing heart, the rapid staccato beating an anxious tattoo inside her chest, joined by the quick shallow breaths that seemed to be fighting their way out of her lungs. All at once, she dropped whatever thoughts she might have had about superserum and meta-humans and rushed forward in concern, her hands reaching out for Lena’s face. 

She was not prepared for the way Lena flinched away from her touch, nor the whimpered, “No, please don’t,” that wrenched itself from her girlfriend’s throat, her emerald eyes full of fear and unshed tears.

Kara dropped her hands immediately, eyes wide and confused. What had just happened?

“I’m--Lena, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Lena dropped her gaze to the floor, trying to force air into her constricting chest. “I’m -- I’m sorry. I’m fine.” She felt a warm hand grab hers softly, and she managed not to flinch too hard. Flinching wasn’t a good idea. It only ever pissed Lex and Liilian off more. 

Kara squeezed her hand gently, urging her to look up from the ground. “Hey,” she said, barely above a whisper when Lena’s eyes met hers. “What just happened there?”

“N-nothing. I’m okay.”

Kara reached up to gently cup Lena’s cheek, and watched in shock as Lena’s face twitched in fear and her eyes squeezed closed, as if she was expecting something much more violent than simple skin to skin contact. All of a sudden, cold reality came crashing down on the Kryptonian. 

“Lena, I...I’m not going to hit you,” she began in horror. “I’d never do that!”

Lena’s eyes shot open in surprise and she immediately sought to reassure the blonde that, no she absolutely didn’t believe that, of course not. That was ridiculous. She absolutely was not terrified of her girlfriend, who had super strength, being angry with her. What a notion.

She must not have done a very good job though, because she was immediately pulled into quite possibly the tightest hug she had ever had...and Kara had given her some doozies before. 

As Kara’s warm embrace surrounded her and she became enveloped by the blonde’s sweet sunshiney aroma, her heart began to settle down, her anxiety being replaced by shame. What was she thinking? This was  _ Kara.  _ There was no one more kind and soft than the woman currently wrapped around her body, no one more sweet than the gentle giant pressing soft kisses against her hair, urging her to believe that she was safe and loved, that she would never again be hurt.

Her unshed tears were no longer able to be contained, spilling down her cheeks and onto Kara’s soft button up. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, barely audible, but she knew Kara would hear her.

“It’s okay baby,” Kara said softly. She hesitated, then added, “Please, if I’ve done something to make you think I’d ever hurt you, please tell me so I stop doing that thing.”

Lena shook her head quickly, desperate to quell her lover’s fears. “No, it’s--it’s not you. It’s not anything you did. I’m just...I’ve got... _ stuff. _ ”

Kara nodded thoughtfully. “Would...would this happen to be Luthor-shaped stuff?”

Lena nodded as more tears spilled down her cheeks. Kara wiped them away with the gentle stroke of the back of her index finger. “When I was a kid, I was always hyper aware of everyone’s demeanour. Every facial expression meant something. Every inhale or exhale was a clue to what was coming next. And normally whatever came next wasn’t good. I guess,” she sighed, clinging to Kara like a sad koala, “I guess that awareness just never went away.”

She looked up into Kara’s eyes, full of love and glinting with a protectiveness that warmed Lena to her bones. “And when I saw your facial expression change when I talked about the Harun-El, it sort of just took me back, I guess because I was more worried about your reaction than I was ready to admit to myself.” She dropped her gaze to the floor again, not wanting to see disappointment in Kara’s eyes.

A finger under her chin lifted her head so that blue eyes met green. “Lena, you never have to be worried to tell me anything. Even if I don’t agree with you, you don’t have to be afraid. I promise that I’ll never hurt you. I’ll never scream at you or raise a hand to you. You’re safe with me.” She pressed a kiss to Lena’s hairline with a whispered, “I love you.”

Lena let her eyes fall closed and pressed her face into the join of Kara’s neck and shoulder, allowing herself to be swallowed by the warmth and safety she could feel radiating from her tight embrace. “I love you too, Kara.” 

“And if you’re ever feeling like this again, talk to me, okay? I want to know what you’re feeling. I want you to know you’re safe and loved.”

Lena nodded, her skin rubbing against the soft cotton of her collar. “I promise.” 

“And you should definitely bring this up with Dr. Thompson at your next session.”

“I will,” she replied softly. 

This wouldn’t be fixed tonight, or even a week or a month from now, but with practice, therapy, and the support of the woman she loved, in time, Lena knew she could overcome the pain she held inside. She would learn to let go of the past, reaching out with open arms and an open mind, ready to grab onto her future, letting herself fall into something safe and real, knowing Kara would always be there to catch her.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not great with feelings, but whew did some of my own little boxes come flying open with this one. Hope it wasn't shit. Leave a kudos or comment if you liked it. Thanks for reading.


End file.
